.........no guarantee this is awesome. But it's pretty awesome because it's making me happy. http://www.facebook.com/LoLokplease?fref=ts my page for all my drawings and jokes.
This is going to be awesome
Monday, March 25, 2013
Have you ever come face-to-face with awesome?
.........no guarantee this is awesome. But it's pretty awesome because it's making me happy. http://www.facebook.com/LoLokplease?fref=ts my page for all my drawings and jokes.
This is going to be awesome
Wednesday, March 20, 2013
MAATROOO
I wrote this long back for some work. Just found it. Posting it here :)
"Gaadi ki disha mein pehla dabba mahilaon ke liye aarakshit hai. Purush yatriyon se anurodh hai ki mahilaon ke liye aarakshit dibbon mein na baithei. Aisa karna dandniy apradh hai."
Some women may think the general compartment is one which sanctions a 'enter at your own risk,' with dirty men ready to brush against you with the pretext of jostling to the door. You may also get letched at by a bunch of adolescents, with raging gorilla hormones. But most women know not what awaits inside the WOMEN compartment. That, is a different, unchartered territory.
Here's a walk through that world and a precautionary list for the first timers.
1. Being over weight is one, but throwing your weight around is an altogether different story. Middle aged women with bums the size of two guest rooms are usually seen sitting smug on seats. Don't ask them to move, you will only get stared at.
2. There is a chance you may get hot boxed due to the aromatic extravaganza the Metro provides: deodrants, perfumes, sweat stench, ponds talcum powder, smoke, old socks, bear breath, stale/fresh tiffin food..etc. Try not to locate where each smell emanates from. You will only get stared at.
3. If you receive a call, message, mail or a tweet, if possible, avoid opening it till you reach home safely. Once the phone is opened, the ones plastered behind you will resolutely peek into your screen and read the notifications without embarrassment. Others who's vision is obstructed, will slide, move or stand on their toes, just to peek into your screen. Try not to look up at all those who were looking. Atleast 17 pair of eyes will stare straight at you. Remember, in Delhi, everybody's business is everybody business.
4. Try to avoid any movement or emotion while in the Metro. Laughing, sneezing, coughing, crying, hiccuping, scratching, snorting, smiling, breathing, ALL will earn you stares. Long stares, even. Everyone in Delhi stares at others like they are a piece of art. Hence, stay like a piece of art. Don't move.
5. Here, it is perfectly normal to pronounce Metro as 'matro', used abbreviations in casual conversation "Uske bf ka mere hubby ke fb pe comment dekha? Yaar, O Em Gee." Also, it is perfectly normal to hear things like, "Bhai, mera favourite rock artist Bryan Adams hai. Mera favourite rock band Boyzone hai, and Adheleee is a great rock singer." Don't comment at ALL. They will think one of two things: You don't know anything about music...or you don't know anything about music. You will also get stared at.
6. Don't hold conversations in English, over the phone or with a friend especially if you are travelling towards areas like Rajouri Garden, Punjabi Bagh. People will think you are a tourist, so you will be fleeced and stared at.
7. Try not to over hear broken English conversations or make grammatical corrections in your mind. You will have to eventually shoot yourself. Oh, yes, also, did I mention? You will be stared at.............I have no idea why.
Keep these pointers in mind. These will not ease your journey in any way, make you more street smart or help you brave the journey in the women's compartment. However, it's good to know the devil before you meet it. All the best, ladies!
"Gaadi ki disha mein pehla dabba mahilaon ke liye aarakshit hai. Purush yatriyon se anurodh hai ki mahilaon ke liye aarakshit dibbon mein na baithei. Aisa karna dandniy apradh hai."
Some women may think the general compartment is one which sanctions a 'enter at your own risk,' with dirty men ready to brush against you with the pretext of jostling to the door. You may also get letched at by a bunch of adolescents, with raging gorilla hormones. But most women know not what awaits inside the WOMEN compartment. That, is a different, unchartered territory.
Here's a walk through that world and a precautionary list for the first timers.
1. Being over weight is one, but throwing your weight around is an altogether different story. Middle aged women with bums the size of two guest rooms are usually seen sitting smug on seats. Don't ask them to move, you will only get stared at.
2. There is a chance you may get hot boxed due to the aromatic extravaganza the Metro provides: deodrants, perfumes, sweat stench, ponds talcum powder, smoke, old socks, bear breath, stale/fresh tiffin food..etc. Try not to locate where each smell emanates from. You will only get stared at.
3. If you receive a call, message, mail or a tweet, if possible, avoid opening it till you reach home safely. Once the phone is opened, the ones plastered behind you will resolutely peek into your screen and read the notifications without embarrassment. Others who's vision is obstructed, will slide, move or stand on their toes, just to peek into your screen. Try not to look up at all those who were looking. Atleast 17 pair of eyes will stare straight at you. Remember, in Delhi, everybody's business is everybody business.
4. Try to avoid any movement or emotion while in the Metro. Laughing, sneezing, coughing, crying, hiccuping, scratching, snorting, smiling, breathing, ALL will earn you stares. Long stares, even. Everyone in Delhi stares at others like they are a piece of art. Hence, stay like a piece of art. Don't move.
5. Here, it is perfectly normal to pronounce Metro as 'matro', used abbreviations in casual conversation "Uske bf ka mere hubby ke fb pe comment dekha? Yaar, O Em Gee." Also, it is perfectly normal to hear things like, "Bhai, mera favourite rock artist Bryan Adams hai. Mera favourite rock band Boyzone hai, and Adheleee is a great rock singer." Don't comment at ALL. They will think one of two things: You don't know anything about music...or you don't know anything about music. You will also get stared at.
6. Don't hold conversations in English, over the phone or with a friend especially if you are travelling towards areas like Rajouri Garden, Punjabi Bagh. People will think you are a tourist, so you will be fleeced and stared at.
7. Try not to over hear broken English conversations or make grammatical corrections in your mind. You will have to eventually shoot yourself. Oh, yes, also, did I mention? You will be stared at.............I have no idea why.
Keep these pointers in mind. These will not ease your journey in any way, make you more street smart or help you brave the journey in the women's compartment. However, it's good to know the devil before you meet it. All the best, ladies!
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