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Wednesday, April 03, 2013

What's on my mind...YOU tell me


I'm on crossroads and it's making me happyunhappy. I'm still where I was two years back, but I'm getting promoted. I've started a little creative project but I'm constantly worried about it. I haven't achieved all that I aspired to two years back but I've got a lot that I never thought of.

Happyunhappy. Its a paradox. From close quarters, it seems like nothing has changed. From afar, it's been one hell of a ride. I wake up every morning hoping for something new but nothing happens. Every weekend in retrospect I realise something has changed. I wait for time to pass by quickly; when I pause to breathe, I panic that time has flown.

Happyunhappy. Sometimes I think of my life and wonder, "What the hell is happening." Sometimes I sigh and smile, "Better this than that." She asks me, "What's up dude, update." I think, I ponder, I struggle, I resign and say, "Nothing." While sitting behind a rickshaw listening to some old melody, looking pensively at the road my life flashes like a movie reel and I think, "Life, stop being so eventful."

Happyunhappy. I dread the routine as it drains out the need to be creative, as I get ready to go to bed I giggle a little thinking how funny my own jokes are. I haven't made new friends but as I roll out the invites every 22nd November, I realise I need to trim the list. I detest my work most days, I fall in love with it when I see it in print.

Happyunhappy my days are. Confused, perturbed, irked and agitated through the day, I generally find that I still sleep well. It's rather annoying and mostly amusing. I don't know the state of my mind.