the last article for DU beat for this term. we thought we'd do something funny this time. i designed a mock question paper. here it is.
DELHI UNIVERSITY EXAM PAPER
General Knowledge
Instructions:
Read the question paper to make sure you’ve understood.
1.If feeling particularly nervous, confused, disoriented or all, walk down to the nearest Nescafe and pour yourself a cup of coffee
2.Stop off on the 1st floor to pay your friend a visit.
3.Return back to the exam hall. Read the question paper to make sure you’ve understood.
4.Call your friend on the 1st floor to ask if he’s started the paper yet.
5.Think about your future plans, the glaring social issues, on who will become the next Roadie and how your hair look from behind.
6. Read the question paper, just for the heck of it, to make sure you’ve understood.
All questions need to be read, pondered over and appreciated.
Q1. What is the next step after receiving the question paper?
a. Eat it
b. Bring a spanner. Take your desk apart during the exam.
c. Building a model airplane.
d. Grab it and run out screaming, " I've got the secret documents!!"
Q.2 Why did the chicken cross the road?
a. Give me ten minutes with the chicken and I'll find out.
b. He had a Dream. A dream of a day when a Chicken could cross any street he wanted to and not have his motives questioned
c. He was a Chicken with a mission ... a Mission From God!
d. . It was a hen!
Q3. Why does the triangle have three sides?
a. Because If it had Two it'd be a Sport.
b Foreign Hand.
c.God! Please help me!
d. Three Sides?! When? I Didn't get that Email! Who did this?
Q4. When did the system of examination begin?
a. I dunno, it happened when I was abducted by aliens
b. I didn't really pay attention. The t.v. was on
.c. This morning at 9, Silly
d. Ever since they outlawed Duelling
Q5. Why can you not eat the cake and have it too?
a. Jesus told me not to.
b Don't the two mean the same thing?
c. I got into prison for killing someone who asked me too many questions
d. Then how will I play Frisbee with my Friend?
Q6 If Train A leaves Station C travelling at a steady rate of 15 m/s, and Train B leaves Station D thirty-two minutes later travelling at a steadily accelerating rate of 12 m/s2, explain how this is in any way relevant to your education?
a. Um... in case all life as we know it breaks down and mankind depends on me to reestablish civilization? Actually, now that I think about it, a Hammer would be more useful ... a Knife would be better actually ... Quick how do make a fire?!
b. Answering questions like this is crucial to me surviving this period of my life. It's best to keep my head down until I am far far away from this place.
c. Screw That, what happens when the trains meet!?
d. I'd like to phone a friend please.
Q7. DUB is the best paper ever
a.Is that even a question? I know this is. Well, not THIS per say, I meant the first thing, oh forget it.
b. Whats a DUB?
c. My birdcage has never been cleaner. Thanks DUB! You're the Best!
d. *applause *
DELHI UNIVERSITY EXAM PAPER
General Knowledge
Instructions:
Read the question paper to make sure you’ve understood.
1.If feeling particularly nervous, confused, disoriented or all, walk down to the nearest Nescafe and pour yourself a cup of coffee
2.Stop off on the 1st floor to pay your friend a visit.
3.Return back to the exam hall. Read the question paper to make sure you’ve understood.
4.Call your friend on the 1st floor to ask if he’s started the paper yet.
5.Think about your future plans, the glaring social issues, on who will become the next Roadie and how your hair look from behind.
6. Read the question paper, just for the heck of it, to make sure you’ve understood.
All questions need to be read, pondered over and appreciated.
Q1. What is the next step after receiving the question paper?
a. Eat it
b. Bring a spanner. Take your desk apart during the exam.
c. Building a model airplane.
d. Grab it and run out screaming, " I've got the secret documents!!"
Q.2 Why did the chicken cross the road?
a. Give me ten minutes with the chicken and I'll find out.
b. He had a Dream. A dream of a day when a Chicken could cross any street he wanted to and not have his motives questioned
c. He was a Chicken with a mission ... a Mission From God!
d. . It was a hen!
Q3. Why does the triangle have three sides?
a. Because If it had Two it'd be a Sport.
b Foreign Hand.
c.God! Please help me!
d. Three Sides?! When? I Didn't get that Email! Who did this?
Q4. When did the system of examination begin?
a. I dunno, it happened when I was abducted by aliens
b. I didn't really pay attention. The t.v. was on
.c. This morning at 9, Silly
d. Ever since they outlawed Duelling
Q5. Why can you not eat the cake and have it too?
a. Jesus told me not to.
b Don't the two mean the same thing?
c. I got into prison for killing someone who asked me too many questions
d. Then how will I play Frisbee with my Friend?
Q6 If Train A leaves Station C travelling at a steady rate of 15 m/s, and Train B leaves Station D thirty-two minutes later travelling at a steadily accelerating rate of 12 m/s2, explain how this is in any way relevant to your education?
a. Um... in case all life as we know it breaks down and mankind depends on me to reestablish civilization? Actually, now that I think about it, a Hammer would be more useful ... a Knife would be better actually ... Quick how do make a fire?!
b. Answering questions like this is crucial to me surviving this period of my life. It's best to keep my head down until I am far far away from this place.
c. Screw That, what happens when the trains meet!?
d. I'd like to phone a friend please.
Q7. DUB is the best paper ever
a.Is that even a question? I know this is. Well, not THIS per say, I meant the first thing, oh forget it.
b. Whats a DUB?
c. My birdcage has never been cleaner. Thanks DUB! You're the Best!
d. *applause *
