MOCK TEST PAPER

the last article for DU beat for this term. we thought we'd do something funny this time. i designed a mock question paper. here it is.
DELHI UNIVERSITY EXAM PAPER

General Knowledge

Instructions:
Read the question paper to make sure you’ve understood.
1.If feeling particularly nervous, confused, disoriented or all, walk down to the nearest Nescafe and pour yourself a cup of coffee
2.Stop off on the 1st floor to pay your friend a visit.
3.Return back to the exam hall. Read the question paper to make sure you’ve understood.
4.Call your friend on the 1st floor to ask if he’s started the paper yet.
5.Think about your future plans, the glaring social issues, on who will become the next Roadie and how your hair look from behind.
6. Read the question paper, just for the heck of it, to make sure you’ve understood.

All questions need to be read, pondered over and appreciated.

Q1. What is the next step after receiving the question paper?
a. Eat it
b. Bring a spanner. Take your desk apart during the exam.
c. Building a model airplane.
d. Grab it and run out screaming, " I've got the secret documents!!"

Q.2 Why did the chicken cross the road?
a. Give me ten minutes with the chicken and I'll find out.
b. He had a Dream. A dream of a day when a Chicken could cross any street he wanted to and not have his motives questioned
c. He was a Chicken with a mission ... a Mission From God!
d. . It was a hen!
Q3. Why does the triangle have three sides?
a. Because If it had Two it'd be a Sport.
b Foreign Hand.
c.God! Please help me!
d. Three Sides?! When? I Didn't get that Email! Who did this?
Q4. When did the system of examination begin?
a. I dunno, it happened when I was abducted by aliens
b. I didn't really pay attention. The t.v. was on
.c. This morning at 9, Silly
d. Ever since they outlawed Duelling
Q5. Why can you not eat the cake and have it too?
a. Jesus told me not to.
b Don't the two mean the same thing?
c. I got into prison for killing someone who asked me too many questions
d. Then how will I play Frisbee with my Friend?
Q6 If Train A leaves Station C travelling at a steady rate of 15 m/s, and Train B leaves Station D thirty-two minutes later travelling at a steadily accelerating rate of 12 m/s2, explain how this is in any way relevant to your education?
a. Um... in case all life as we know it breaks down and mankind depends on me to reestablish civilization? Actually, now that I think about it, a Hammer would be more useful ... a Knife would be better actually ... Quick how do make a fire?!
b. Answering questions like this is crucial to me surviving this period of my life. It's best to keep my head down until I am far far away from this place.
c. Screw That, what happens when the trains meet!?
d. I'd like to phone a friend please.

Q7. DUB is the best paper ever
a.Is that even a question? I know this is. Well, not THIS per say, I meant the first thing, oh forget it.
b. Whats a DUB?
c. My birdcage has never been cleaner. Thanks DUB! You're the Best!
d. *applause *

Musings.

Here are a few facts I thought are very strangely true... Take a minute off to ponder over them..
1 .The first time when u meet someone, u form an opinion. Once you get to know that person over a period of time, your opinion for that person becomes the complete opposite of what it was initially!
2. The more you say “I don’t care!”, the more you care!(heheh!)
3. A compliment by your best enemy remains etched in your mind for a longer time, than a compliment you received from your friend!
4. When you become good friends with someone, you start finding that person good looking, even if he/she isn’t conventionally good looking!
5. We all are hypocrites to some extent, no matter how much we deny it..
6. Your true confidante is you, yourself..
7. You can never hate or forget your first crush, even if he/ she was a true imagery of…say…serverus snape!(I still think snape is an interesting character!)
8. no matter how much we detest these silly superstitions, some how, mysteriously we get this fit of superstition on some big day of our life(exam, job interview, big presentation, result day..etc etc!)
9. if we beg, plead for advise from someone, we still weigh other options before following that advise.
10. no one is a true extrovert..we are all hiding some major secrets inside us.
11. we crave for unexpected holidays..and when we get them, we have no idea what to do..!
12. we are different people at home, in front of friends, at workplace, in front of strangers. And no matter how much you shake your head and give me a long list of justifications..believe me, ITS TRUE!
13. your closest friend is a good listner…;-)